This awful t-shirt!
This comfortable solid-polymer buttplug!
This empty box!
At Uncyclopedia, we despise our customers. So we pledge that all Uncyclopedia merchandise will be manufactured with the lowest-quality, non-free-trade materials we can scrounge from dodgy Chinese suppliers. When possible, we make sure our products arrive late, after a long journey across oil-polluted waters. In fact, we pay our shipping companies to stop as often as possible, and dynamite any visible dolphin schools. You can rest assured that your merchandise will arrive spattered with the blood of multiple endangered species, and dotted with the tears of the blind laborers who were whipped ceaselessly while they hand-stitched it. Your friends will hate you...almost as much as we do. And with good reason.